I ALMOST DOUBT MYSELF

Never realized what kind of person I have become in today’s world,
such a predicament …

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It seems that lately my life has been getting more complicated, and I
want to thank those of you who are brave enough to
still associate with me regardless of what I have become.

The following is a recap of my current identity:

I was born white, which makes me a racist.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which makes me a fascist.

I am heterosexual, which makes me a homophobe.

I am a right-to-work believer, which makes me a traitor to the working
class, anti-union, and an ally of big business all at the same time.

I am a Christian, which makes me an infidel.

I am older than 65 and retired, which makes me a useless.

I think and I reason; therefore I doubt much that the main stream
media tells me, which makes me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which
makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family; therefore I appreciate the
police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to
each individual's merits, which makes me anti-socialist.

I acquired a good education without student loans and no debt at
graduation, which makes me some kind of odd underachiever.

I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland by all
citizens, which makes me a militarist.

Please help me come to terms with this, because I‘m not sure who I am anymore!

Newest problem – I'm not sure which bathroom I should use.